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One of the greatest prejudices on the planet….

One of the greatest prejudices I see on this planet is our judgement of emotional response. Isn’t it funny how we’re conditioned to think that the so called “positive” emotions are the best ones. I don’t recall the fairytale being called, “Snow White and…  Happy”!

All of our emotions, especially grief, sadness, shock, respectful anger, or even frustration can be vital to our healing process. As we all know life throws us many curve balls, and our body is designed to deal with the stress of these situations through feeling and expressing our emotions to these events. Crying, for example, is such a healing act and allows our body to release the sadness we are holding. I cringe when I hear parents tell their children (especially their young boys), to stop crying when they are sad. I admire anybody who can be brave and strong enough to sit in their vulnerability and allow the emotions to rise and be expressed. Strength is not the ability to not cry; it’s the ability to cry, to laugh, to be scared, to be brave, to communicate respectful anger and frustration – to feel, and express those feelings.

Too often, we can push these important emotions down because we become fearful of really experiencing and feeling them. We can start to believe that the pain in our chest is too much to bear, and so we stop–we wait. But we are meant to feel, and our hearts are meant to be broken, but they never break in two — they just break open to allow us to love more and feel even more. Getting to this understanding however, can be the real test–sometimes it can seem much easier just to push it all down and instead, become bitter and resentful.

When things are not going our way it is so easy to be seduced into believing that life has it in for us- that somehow what is happening is unjust. But life, just is – and whatever is happening is simply another opportunity to choose. We can either choose to breathe through it and be empowered by it, or we can fall in a heap and blame everyone and everything for how we feel. Our feelings are just a gauge for us to notice what needs attention in our life. How we interpret the events that occur, will create the feelings we have that are associated to those events. Let the drama go-be still-and pay attention to the wisdom that is trying to come through…  if only we would let it!

Till next time… much love, Terry xx

It’s NOW or TOO LATE!

Well hello everyone – welcome to my first blog! I know it looks long but it is our first “date”.

The fabulous and not so fabulous part of starting any journey is that you never know exactly where you will end up. I hope that over time we will build a strong, solid relationship  that allows for open and honest dialogue. I am also sure, like any relationship, we may annoy each other from time to time, maybe even become a little bored, challenge each other, have lots and lots of laughs but most of all I hope that we develop a bond so strong that we weather the test of time. That’s what a great relationship offers – the space to test and stretch, to change, to move away and explore, and to retreat to a safe and familiar place.

I have contemplated this moment for a long while – what will I say on my very first blog? What profound wisdom can I share to entice people to stay and become regular visitors to my blog? And then I realized I was falling into the trap that most of us fall into at the beginning of a relationship – I was more concerned with impressing you, than showing you the real me. Not that I recommend this when you first meet someone, but I do believe that it is vital in any relationship to understand the truth – the platform from which a person has grown. So this blog will be a lot longer than the ones that will follow as I share with you my platform –  and how I got to this place called today.

I remember telling a few stories from my childhood to a new friend, and they commented that by looking at my website and the success I have had as a businesswoman, speaker and author, you would think I had led a charmed life.   Looks can be deceiving – after thirty years of presenting to thousands and thousands of audiences around the globe, there is one thing I know for sure. We all have a past – events and circumstances that either propel us or keep us trapped in the memory of our pain.

I recall thinking as I was growing up that I was jinxed. Sexual abuse at 4, then again from 5-9 by my music teacher, poverty, being severely pigeon toed, a disfiguring skin virus from 5-17, savage beatings, the death of my father, caregiver for my siblings, depression at 16, eating disorders, drinking issues, attempted suicide in my late teens, sexual harassment in my early career… I couldn’t understand how life could be so cruel as to give me far more than I thought was my fair share of life’s challenges. I fought against the pain in my heart and the confusion in my head for many years. I defined myself by these events and felt worthless for a good part of my life – resulting in an abysmal self-esteem and self-image. But I knew how to work hard and I simply loved helping people.

In my early twenties, the fortune of my career landed me a position with a Japanese/American training organization and thus began my journey of wanting to know why I felt the way I did, and why I would seemingly, unknowingly, sabotage my own success along the way.  The two greatest healing platforms I have had in my life have been my work and my two beautiful sons. Through these amazing mediums I have been able to use the mirror of my life to finally accept who I really am.

I also realized, through hearing countless stories of other people’s shocking tragedies and challenges that by comparison, my life was not that bad at all. In fact, when I saw how some of these people just got on with their life and used their pain as a passage to their own evolution, it stirred a curiosity in me to discover how we could all become more successful in our life because of our past, not in spite of it. I realized that avoiding our pain turns it to poison, and accepting and moving through our pain turns it to fuel and passion.

I became a passionate explorer for understanding where irrational thoughts and behaviors came from, and for how I could rewrite my life’s script so that my todays and tomorrows were not soaked in the pain of my yesterdays. I spent many years on the elusive path of finding permanent happiness. I realized after countless disappointments that happiness is not, and should not be a goal. It is simply a feeling and like all feelings, is as transient as the rain. The one feeling that could affect me, and all of us, in a negative way however, was pain. Pain is going to accompany us all throughout our life – not as a constant companion but a regular visitor all the same. My years of working with people showed me that we didn’t need help in dealing with the joyous, happy, calm, peaceful, tranquil moments in our life. It was the tough days; the days when our heart feels heavy and we feel alone. The days when we feel love has passed us by, the days when we want to crawl into a hole and stay there, the days when our unexpressed rage bubbles under the surface – these are the times when we need support.

It is also however, a journey that must be taken alone. The moment we realize that no one else can walk our path and heal our hurts, regardless of how close we feel to them, is the moment we start owning our life. They can certainly encourage us, comfort us and be a supportive ear to our woes, but in the end it us, and only us, who can walk into the pain of our past and find the hidden treasures of wisdom, kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance.

My intention for all that I do, is to give you a support system, a process which will guide you through when the path feels too long or you feel all alone.  I want to offer you simple, yet powerfully effective formulas, that you can recall and use with ease to help navigate your way through life.

Now, I look at my life as a great mystery and I am the explorer, and I invite you to do so as well. It’s an exciting journey – one that can offer us endless opportunities everyday to bring us closer to our heart and soul. I no longer see the events and pain of my past, present, or future as negatives. I am filled with deep gratitude and humility that I have had and will continue to have the opportunity to experience so many facets of this wonderful life.

When we put down the resistance to our pain and realize that it is simply a clue in the mystery of our life, we start to comprehend that the greatest gifts we have are those that we give ourselves internally, not externally.

Thank you for your precious time. I promise from here on they will be much shorter.

Terry xx